


Squeaks

by Striker



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Fluff, Hiccups, Humor, M/M, Sneezing, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-09
Updated: 2013-04-09
Packaged: 2017-12-07 22:45:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/753939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Striker/pseuds/Striker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve has a distressingly embarrassing secret. Too bad Danny finds out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Damnit

**Author's Note:**

> This is purely for fun. The idea popped into my head because the toughest, rough-and-rumble person in my friend group has the tiniest kitten hiccups you’ve ever heard (and I have the distinct pleasure of being one of the only two people who has EVER heard them). And so I applied the theoretical situation to McDanno, and me and my friend couldn’t stop laughing over it. I finally wrote it. I make no apologies. Enjoy.

 

There’s a certain kind of horror that comes from the realization that the inevitable is about to happen and there’s no way to stop it.

Steve feels the tightness and pressure building in his chest, and panic rises swiftly with it, because he’s stuck in the car with Danny – hell, for once he’s not even the one _driving_ it so he can’t just pull over and claim he needs to run for a toilet or something – and he tries to face the fact that there’s no escape.

He clamps his mouth shut to try and keep the noises in, staring determinedly out the window, hoping against hope that Danny wont notice the regular little jolts that bounce his body in his seat. It’s fruitless, though. After all, Danny is a self proclaimed (and, let’s face it, is truthfully) great detective.

“…McGarret, what the hell is wrong with you _now_?”

Steve debates the merits of just not saying anything and simply shaking his head, trying to get Danny to understand that he’s fine without opening his mouth. Unfortunately, that would only cause the detective to become even more suspicious. So he tries to time it, he really does, and right after another spasm he says quickly; “Nothing, I’m fine Danny, promi- _heek_ _!_ ” and then proceeds makes it all worse as he slaps a hand over his mouth, mortification writ all over his face.

He manages to not look at Danny for all of eight seconds (and another hiccup) before his morbid curiosity about his fate causes him to turn his head.

Danny is resolutely staring at the road, eyebrows almost at his hairline and a deep press to his lips that means he’s trying desperately not to laugh. He coughs, swallows, and manages to school his features into something only slightly less amused. “Sorry, was that a hiccup?”

“… No, it wasn- _heek_ _!_ ” a resigned sigh. “Damnit.”

Danny’s shoulders are shaking now, his focus on the road wavering at best as he fought to keep the laughter under control enough so they wouldn’t crash. Honestly, Steve couldn’t blame him. If he hadn’t been the one plagued by the issue personally, he would have found the tiny, baby-hiccups an absolute riot if they had come from someone like him.

“I don’t even have words for this, seriously, babe, how did you _ever_ survive the Army-“

“It’s the _Navy_ – _heek_!” He glares.

Danny downright cackles. “Whatever. Are they always like this?”

Steve refuses to open his mouth again, so he just crosses his arms and nods, a pout on his lips as he glowers out the window. Danny manages an impressed whistle between his chuckling. “I would _not_ have wanted Mary as a little sister with an affliction like that.”

“Don’t even – _heek_ \- get me started…” Steve grumbles.

A few minutes later and Danny finally pulls over into a gas station, ostensibly to fine Steve some water for relief, but really it’s because he can’t contain the laughter anymore. The irony is just too fucking hilarious. Even with his mouth firmly closed, Steve’s squeaking hiccups are still audible now that Danny knows what to listen for, and the longer it goes the more the mirth builds, until Danny just _has_ to pull over or risk McGarrett levels of unsafe driving. He spends a moment leaning over the steering wheel, quaking with laughter, his short giggles spilling in-between insincere apologies for his amusement. Steve just glowers at him, which just makes him laugh harder, until the SEAL finally huffs and exits the car to get himself a bottle of water and make the whole ordeal just _end_.

When he gets back to the car, hiccups finally quieted, Danny is still grinning in his seat but his laughter has finally stopped. He lets loose another chuckle as Steve climbs back in, radiating injured dignity and clutching his water bottle in case they dreaded hiccups decide to make a repeat performance.

“I hope you realize I’m never going to let you forget this.” Danny muses, unrepentant at the force of Steve’s frown.

A long sigh. “Danny, I’d be worried if you didn’t.”

“Such truth.” There’s a couple seconds of silence full of Steve pouting before Danny says “Hey. Hey, c’mere,” and he tugs on Steve’s sleeve, pulling him across the gear shift. Steve leans and turns his head, meeting Danny’s kiss with a perfunctory grumble before tilting his head and letting Danny in. Danny kisses him long and tender, a mollifying gesture trying to sooth Steve’s ruffled feathers. Eventually Steve relaxes against his lips, reciprocating as acceptance of Danny’s little apology.

He eventually breaks it with a soft smack and a short laugh of his own. “It _is_ kind of funny.” He consents. Danny grins wide.

“Babe, it is easily the most hilarious thing that’s happened this whole month.” He states matter-of-fact, buckling himself in and starting the Camero.

“What about Kono spilling her iced coffee all over herself?”

“That was hilarious, yes, but significantly dampened by Chin’s pulling his Scary Protective Older Cousin look on us. I thought my nuts were gonna fall off right then and there. Guy’s going to be one helluva scary dad someday.” Danny remarks fondly.

Steve hums in agreement as they pull out of the gas station, finally getting back on their way towards home. There awaits dinner and a game and a bed where Steve is determined to burn this event out of Danny’s brain. As he mentally takes stock of what he’ll have to do to make Danny unintelligible for at least a few hours, a terrifying thought occurs to him.

“… You’re not going to tell Kono, are you?”

Danny smirked. “Steve, please, I am not _cruel_.”

Yeah, Steve isn’t so sure about that.


	2. Epilogue is just another word for Revenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Epilogue (much to Danny's displeasure)

The team is out to dinner, celebrating a successful week of taking down yet another minor drug cartel. Despite the almost week long case there had been almost no casualties and zero explosions or jumping off roofs, and only one stand-off, which all put Danny in such a good mood that he is buying the beer rounds for the night.

Everything’s going great, with everyone full of good food and coming up on the tipsy side of being drunk, good humor and joking filling the table with laughter and smiles. Danny relaxes back against the booth seat across from Chin and Kono, pressing against Steve and grinning wide at another ridiculous surfing story Kono was telling. Everything is just perfect. And it’s ridiculous how they just come out of nowhere; there’s no real warning for them, sometimes, aside from the furious tickle building in his nose and causing it to wrinkle, and he has just enough time to think _‘Oh no’_ before his whole body arches and then contracts as the high-pitched, short, squeaking sneeze explodes from him.

The table instantly falls silent. Danny hides for a couple seconds behind his hands – which had flown up to (uselessly) cover his mouth – before cautiously looking at his teammates. Chin is unflappably amused as he grins over his glass, and a look of unholy glee is swiftly replacing the expression of shock on Kono’s face. Well shit…

Slowly turning red to the roots of his hair Danny drops his hands and tries to for nonchalant, but his “Um, bless me…?” is rife with embarrassment and Kono promptly begins to laugh into her beer. Chin just shakes his head, grinning ear to ear, his only remark being, “Wow brah...” Danny kind of hates him.

An arm slings around his shoulders and he sighs and turns to Steve, whose gigantic shit-eating grin promises a lot of anguish in Danny’s future. He leans in close and mumbles into Danny’s ear “Now _that_ was adorable.”

“Shut up.” Danny grumbles.

Steve chuckles. “You do know I’m never going to let you forget this, right?” And Danny had just _known_ that that was going to come back to bite him in his ass.

“Yeah, yeah, I know babe. Trust me, I know.” He bemoans his fate, slouching further into his seat to everyone’s continuing amusement, and Steve just laughs louder and places a fond, smacking kiss to Danny’s stubbled cheek.


End file.
